Sunday, March 11, 2012

Gamer Rage: Keep your ass out of the fire

Originally, I had planned to make my first story on WoWRant about the denziens of Kel'Thuzad and talk about an expose on how they go from mild-mannered Clark Kent types in their everyday lives to Superdick when they turn on their computers and authenticate. Instead, I thought it might be fitting to talk about my most recent idiocy. How best to poke fun at everyone else if you can't dish it back at yourself?

Last night I pugged for justice and valor points and queued for random Hour of Twilight heroics. As soon as I enter, I run up to the portal and click, taking myself to the Obsidian Dragonshrine. I skirt up along the side to see if it's the shrine I'm thinking it is (and one I won't forget. Ever. Not after this). I see the big puddle of lava and think, "Great! 

Gauntlet. Ugh."

... just as I aggro one of the patrols. As my teammates are zoning.

I try to at least pull the pat out to where it won't take out the rest of the party and keep them interested, but they'd much rather go after the healer at the portal. The entire party wipes before they've even finished zoning.

Way to go, Locke. Way to go.

After a run back for our bodies and my GF sighing heavily at me in just such a way as she does when she's irritated that I'm an idiot, we get back into the dragonshrine. I mount up. I watch the tank run down with heals and the GF boogies right on down after them. They miss the pat, no problem. I watch the pat skirt up close and then turn around. One of the DPS sets to follow and aggros the pat that killed us the first time. They follow me to the tank so we can beat the snot out of them minus one DPS. The dead DPS drops. Heals gets munched and then bails. I keel over dead. The tank says, "That was a dick move" and bails on us.

Our party fills. The first words as soon as they see where we are is "Failgroup already?" Yeah. Namely me. Thankfully they don't aggro the pat and make it down into the lava with the rest of us. Tank goes in to aggro Baine. We bring him down, but not before he dumps us off into the lava and, apparently being the MOST FAILSAUCE I have EVER BEEN, I almost get myself killed before we get out of the lava and take down the boss.
Thank DOG that's over!

We port out of the dungeon and back in to save us running through the trash. At least that's what the GF and I did. Everyone else wipes because they tried to run back to the hourglass. While we wait for everyone to collect their bodies, the GF and I head into the next dragonshrine. We end up with the Ruby Dragonshrine.

I hate Sylvanas with a deep, seething passion. I ALWAYS DIE because I'm too stupid to attack while walking backwards. I always run up to the ghoul, hit an attack and run FORWARD like an asshole into the purple shit, killing myself. Always.

We take out the two trash groups and start the fight with the boss. We beat on her until she summons her zombies and run for one. The problem is, EVERYONE runs for one, but not the SAME one. I've always had it marked to go to the little fingerlet that is generally directly out from Sylvanas. She sucks you in with Calling of the Highborne and you flail, then run out to the finger, beat the shit out of the ghoul that shows up, leaving a hole for you to run through. You run out, loop around the purple shit and pounce on Sylvanas like a two dollar Mexican hooker on half price night and beat her like her momma should've. Rinse and repeat.

Once we manage to take her down after marking one spot for all the DPS to go for, we port to the Bronze Dragonshrine. The GF announces she doesn't trust the group to run the hourglass, so she takes it on. That fight ended up being the easiest of them, even when I couldn't keep my ass out of the fire. Rule one of dungeons and raids: Keep your ass out of the fire. I've been playing heavily for over a year. By my performance last night, it was like I'd taken one of the Scrolls of Resurrection and insta-leveled my warrior to 80. I think it might have been easier to swallow if I had.